The A’s of My Life

This is not about my grade, though it probably could be. It’s about the words in my life that have an impact on so much of what I do. Somehow they all begin with the letter A.

Autism:

I’m starting with this one because while its the most recent entry on the list its the most impactful and in a way explains the rest of them. I was diagnosed a little over a year ago but since then it has been a constant parade of “that should have been a clue” moments. My struggle to deal with changes in routine and struggles with sensory overload. My need for structure. My inability to deal with lines and people who don’t follow the rules. It’s also a big reason I chose to write about this topic today.

You see I logged in to write my daily prompt and saw that I had already done the one that was listed. Now if you follow me, you probably saw that I did 2 daily prompt posts on Saturday. I thought I skipped one and my brain couldn’t let that go. It saw the prompt number sequence and needed to complete it. So I did an extra one. Well that caught up with me this morning. Most people would have let it go, not have had a daily prompt today. I couldn’t let it go. So I went back and edited the post titles and dates posted. I also added a small note at the bottom of each other posts I edited to state what I had changed and why. This brings us to:

Accuracy

I can’t stand not being accurate in my life. I use words literally more than figuratively. I had to correct the dates because that aligned with when they should have been made but it was not accurate to change the dates posted so I had to document the change. This need for accuracy is probably how I ended up in quality assurance and regulatory compliance! It also causes a bit of trouble in my life. People want to assume I’m speaking figuratively when I am being literal. I interpret things said literally and act accordingly. It’s also probably why I excelled in clinical laboratory science where accuracy is paramount. This is also why I feel the need to document everything. I am wordy in my emails, my storytelling, in everything. I feel compelled to ensure that all details are accounted for. That no one can question anything. Yet, somehow they still do but that is a topic for another post.

Authenticity

I’ve written about my desire and realistically need to live an authentic life and to be surrounded by authentic people. This is also why I needed to add the statement at the bottom of the posts. I had to own what I had done. Authenticity could also be considered accountability. Owning my mistakes, documenting changes. These are things I can’t conceive of not doing. I struggle to edit myself to fit the abbreviated communication needs of others. I am emotional and hiding that is impossible. It only gets harder the more overwhelmed I get. I’m sure I could say more here but I’ve written so much about authenticity already, I feel like I’m repeating myself

There are more A’s I could add to the list. ADHD and anxiety are the first two that come to mind. But perhaps I’ll dive into those another time.

-Flower