How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
Ouch! Way to hit a girl where it hurts.
The short answer here is not often enough but more often than I used to.
Saying no is hard. It feels like I’m disappointing people and I am wired to put others before myself. So yeah, if someone asks me to do something that would ultimately interfere with my goals, plans, mood, etc. I was likely to do it so as to make them happy and not create tension or feel like I was letting them down.
I have gotten better at this. It’s still hard but I fight through the discomfort to do it because I know that it’s better in the long run. It’s not that I’m saying no to everything however. But I am getting better at saying no when it’s really impactful. I am no longer the person who sacrificed her job because her husband (at the time) didn’t like the hours it had her working because it meant that she couldn’t go to class with him or wasn’t tired when he was.
No, I now recognize that behavior like that is harmful and gives too much power to selfish and unsupportive people. I will compromise and make sacrifices for those that do the same. But I am no longer agreeing to all things for the sake of maintaining the peace. Sadly it took me way too many years to learn these lessons. I’m still learning them.
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